I am not a natural athlete.  When I asked my Dad why he hadn’t encouraged me to get into sports as a kid, he said “Well, you just weren’t very good at it.”  Ouch. 

None of this comes as a surprise.  I remember playing basketball in Middle School and missing what would have been the crucial game winning basket as the buzzer sounded.  I remember taking tennis lessons at the Y and after two summers being told by the instructor that tennis wasn’t for me.  I played field hockey the Fall of my freshman year in High School and was placed on the Thirds team because there was nowhere else to put the girls who could not make Varsity or JV (playing a sport was required at my school.)  I did love field hockey, I loved wearing the uniform - red polo shirt and short plaid skirt with white shin guards, while pushing myself to run the length of the field in pursuit of that little white ball.  I especially liked being able to knock other players in the shins with my stick.  I still have that stick!  And I remember playing intramural softball one summer and being put in left field because no girls ever hit balls out there.  It was very quiet and very far away from the action and I hated when I had to go in and face the pitcher.  Funny enough I was also on the Track team, one Spring, in High School – not as a runner, no….I struggled even on the warm up runs, so I decided that I would throw discus and shotput (don’t laugh out loud.)  I was on the Varsity team, but only because there was no JV.  In fact, the Coaches had me throw “exhibition” at track meets so that my dismal performance would not drag down the team’s scores.  I even took yoga as an adult and was told by three different instructors, after a year and a half of trying, that maybe yoga was not for me (I guess hyperventilating and stomach cramps aren’t the goal?)

When I turned 40, I decided that after about 14 years of couch potato life and carrying an extra 90 lbs on my 5′3 frame, it was time to get real, get healthy and be in the best shape of my life.  A couple of friends were avid runners and so I decided in January 2009 that I would run the Gate River Run and the Mud Run in 2010.  I started walking and what I thought was running (huffing and puffing about 100 yards and then walking again).  I lost about 30 lbs in the first 4 months and then decided to kick up my training by joining a gym.  I signed up with a personal trainer with a year commitment and promises that I would achieve all of my goals.  For 10 months I worked out 1-2 hours per day – 6 days a week, both cardio and weight training – and failed to lose a pound or gain any ground with my BMI.  I knew I was healthier and my clothes fit slightly better but I was not seeing the results I desired.  My 4th trainer (yes I went through 3 before finding the right one), was in tune with my running goals and suggested Personal Running Solutions and she gave Paul my number.  Paul called me the week before Christmas 2009 and we set our first session for the following week.  I was terrified.  I had run on the treadmill and could do about 15 minutes without stopping, at a very slow pace, but I was really scared about running outside. With a person I did not know.  Somewhere in Jacksonville that I had never been to before.  And did I mention I was supposed to run??

The first few sessions went okay, and I continued to turn up even after hip pain and cold weather and then breathing problems.  But I told myself that after the Mud Run I would never have to run again.  I hated every second of it. 

Gradually something changed.  I started hating it less and started to look forward to meeting Coach and my friends for a run on the trails at UNF.  Who would have thought that I was secretly a cross country runner?  I completed the Gate River Run and then the Mud Run came and went and I still kept scheduling workouts with Coach AND dragging my friends along.  I started surreptitiously reading Runner’s World and buying running clothes and talking about running to anyone who would listen.  I loved being around runners and being a visitor in the running community.  I even organized and led a team from work for the 2010 Corporate Run this past April, we had super cool t-shirts and everything.  Although I was not among the top 3 individual scores from the team that counted (I came in fourth, after a coworker who was not a runner and had not trained at all,)  I am still learning to not measure my success against others – hard for a competitive perfectionist.

There is still the occasional set back.  Like the day I went to Publix and was at the checkout purchasing the latest edition of Runner’s World, accompanied by two friends who happened to be thin and beautiful, and the older man bagging my purchases looked at me and then right past me to my friend Amber and said “You must be the runner.”  I had been feeling really good that day but that comment felt like a punch in the stomach… as if I was a poser and a fraud.  I bit back the tears and made the decision to ignore him.  Or the well meaning, very dear friend who said, “You are just not built to be a runner,”  after I told her about a bad training run.  Or the days when my legs feel like they are moving through mud and every step is a struggle.  I continue on.

I have now officially joined the Marathon Mania running group and am training for the Tour de Pain, and three half marathons in October, November and December of this year.  Don’t tell anyone, but I am even thinking about attempting the full Donna………

So what makes me think I can be a runner?  Coach made it possible for me to think and now believe that I am a runner.  He has never once told me “Maybe running isn’t for you.”    He has encouraged and believed in me when I did not believe in myself.  Now running and I have a better relationship.  I no longer hate it but I still get butterflies when I have to run with other people because I do not want to fail.  Old habits die hard.

And since the Mud Run in March I have lost another 25 pounds!  Running has made all the difference.

Thank you Coach for making this non-athlete believe and become a runner after all!

Katrina Papillon